Posted by Abdul Wahid on April 06, 1998 at 22:20:00:
Newspaper Ads As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are
often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you
can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
o Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the o A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by o Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children o For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and o For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, o Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. o Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair o Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. o Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. o We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully o No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will o For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. o For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan o Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, o 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and o Great Dames for sale. o Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful o Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. o 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for o Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. o Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. o If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere o Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. o The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and o Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. o Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. o Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable o Stock up and save. Limit: one. o Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. o We build bodies that last a lifetime. o Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last . o This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better o For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. o For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. o Man, honest. Will take anything. o Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References o Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich o Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to o Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! o Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. o Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. o Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. o Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. o 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. o Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, o Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. o Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, o See ladies blouses. 50% off! o Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food o Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue o Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume o Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for o Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. o Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. o And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, o We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
family.
waitresses in appetizing forms.
$2.00.
large drawers .
pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and
fur collar.
to take home, too.
by hand.
make it really repellent.
Hussy.
fresh vagetables, salads, quiche.
smothered with golden fried onion rings.
condition.
charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la
Fontain, and Chopin.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
other athletic facilities.
Automatically burns toast.
that lots of women wear nothing else.
Homes and Gardens.
required.
shop.
travel.
and smacks included.
you'll never go anywhere again.
business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Cross and salary.
generalhousekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to
growth of family.
efficient beating.
unrivaled inconvenience.
$1.00.
