Firing Squad

Three criminals were getting set to be executed by a firing squad. They were all tied up to posts,
waiting for the general to give the signal to the soldiers to shoot them.

The general yells, "Ready, aim..."

All of a sudden the first criminal yells, "Tornado!"

The soldiers and general are frightened by the call, running to hide in fear. The criminal unties
himself and escapes.

The soldiers gather themselves for the next execution. the second criminal realizes what the first
criminal has done, so he takes his shot as well.

The general yells, "Ready, aim..."

Then the second criminal yells, "Hurricane!"

Again the general and soldiers run in fright, giving time to the second criminal to escape. The third
criminal understands the trend and attempts the same. The soldiers get ready for the next attempt.

The general yells, "Ready, aim..."

Then the third criminal yells, "FIRE!"
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Three Mice

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each
other about how tough they are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and
says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down,
I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with
the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar,
turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can,
take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz
going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.

The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got
a date with the cat."
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Missing Husband

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185
pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth,
and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
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Don't Wanna Remind Him

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old
fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the priest went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the priest asked, "How come after all these years we don't see
you at services anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. I'll tell you, Rabbi,"he whispered. "When I got to
be 90 I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.

So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"