1. Men who have pierced ears are better
prepared for marriage. They've experienced
pain and bought jewelry.

2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically
responsible. In a world where there are more
women than men, it pays to recycle.

3. Men are very confident people. My husband is
so confident that when he watches sports on
television, he thinks that if he concentrates he
can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he
coaches the players from our living room, and if
they're really in trouble, I have to get off the
phone in case they call him.

4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes
them feel important.

5. A good place to meet a man is at the dry
cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

6. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our
relationship." These seven words strike fear in
the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

7. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits.
Women have two types: depressing and more
depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not
nerdy.

8. Men have higher body temperatures than
omen. If your heating goes out in winter, I
recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like
portable heaters that snore.

9. Women take clothing much more seriously
than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party
and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me
out of here. There's another man wearing a black
tuxedo."

10. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's
department is usually on the first floor of a
department store, two inches from the door.

11. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary
Grant is on record saying he wished he could be
Cary Grant.

12. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love?
Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most
men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's
my car?"

13. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he
didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he
didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

14. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at
tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex
again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

15. Getting rid of a man without hurting his
masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never
want to see you again" might sound like a
challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I
suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you...
I want to have your children." Sometimes they
leave skid marks.