A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, " Dad, why do you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: " So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!"

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Chinese Adam and Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because Chinese would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake!