Stress Relievers Posted by Ranjan Gunawardana on 5/15/2007 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 2 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 3 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap. ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 4 Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?" Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs." ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 5 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE" ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 6 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 7 "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner." ______________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 9 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans." ______________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 10 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire" ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 11 Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 12 A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone." ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 13 Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?" Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!" ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 14 "Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?" Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side." ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 15 A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour." ________________________________________________________________ Stress Reliever # 16 Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?" Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day." Hope it de-stressed you | |
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