TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY : Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise, you don't have to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow". That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON : I hope you didn't either.
GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.