Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell
you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7
years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been
hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even
notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went
straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything
that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me anymore; whatever!
the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear
Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed
it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So
take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem