MARRIAGE PROPOSAL ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA. RESPONSE TO 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT! MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)
Madam : I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and
pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon
Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab