Q. What's the difference between a pay cheque and your dick ?
A. You don't have to beg a woman to blow your pay cheque.

Q. How is a woman like a laxative ?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. Why did God give women nipples.
A. To make suckers out of them.

Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig ?
A. A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q. What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down ?
A. Marriage.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. What's a clitoris ?
A. A hood ornament.

Q. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position ?
A. The view.

Q. Why did God give men penises ?
A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for ?
A. Its Braille for "suck here."

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to
improving their minds ?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Q. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25
year old doesn't ?
A. Her navel.

Q. Why do men die before their wives ?
A. They want to.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women ?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. Whats the difference between a woman with pms and a pitbull ?
A. Lipstick

Q. Why is a woman like a dog turd ?
A. The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.

Q. Why are women like screen doors ?
A. Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.

Q. What's a wife ?
A. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Q. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex ?
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Q. What's the most active muscle in a woman ?
A. The penis.

Q. How do you tell if a woman is feeling sexually aroused ?
A. When you put your hand inside her panties and it feels like a
horse eating oats.

Q. How are women like parking spaces ?
A. The best ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Q. Why do women have tits ?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. If you are having sex with two woman and one more woman walks in.
What do you have.
A. Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a coffin ?
A. You come in one and go in the other.

Q. How do you make love to a fat chick ?
A. Have a wank in your hand then throw it at her.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild ?
A. Money

Q. What do you call a Playboy centre-fold who's a lesbian ?
A. Bitch

Q. Why do women skydivers wear tampons?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. How can a woman tell she's flat chested ?
A. She looks down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.

Q. What are the three reasons why anal sex is better the vaginal sex. ?
A. It's warmer, it's tighter and it's more degrading to women.

Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat ?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.

Q. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q. What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth ?
A. Albert Einstein's' dick.

Q. Why do women have periods ?
A. They deserve them.

Q. Why did God make man first ?
A. He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

Q. What do Kermit the frog and Roseanne Barrs' husband have in common ?
A. They both enjoy fucking pigs.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin around a pussy ?
A. A woman.

Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinistic pig ?
A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's' body, except his own.

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what
have you done wrong ?
A. Made her chain too long.

Q. Why was the woman crossing the road ?
A. Who cares! What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen.

Q. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. None. They let the bitch do it after she's finished the dishes.

Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb ?
A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman ?
A. Fat.

Q. Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A. When they come they+re wild and wet, but when they go they take
your house and car with them.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job ?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q. Why did God create lesbians?
A. So feminists couldn't breed.

Q. Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf ?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped ?
A. They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to
see you on either.

Q. Why can't you trust woman ?
A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Q. What's the best thing about a blow job ?
A. Ten minutes silence.