A young Italian bride was having a talk with her mother on her wedding
night.

She said, "MaMa, I'va never been with a man before and I'm ascared.
Whattama gonna do?"
Her mother says, "Baby, just go to your husband, and you'll know what
to do".
So, the nervous bride goes upstairs to her husband and closes the
bedroom door behind her. While she's standing across the room, her
husband takes off his shirt.
"Oh, my goodness" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to her mother.
"MaMa, he's a gotta hair all over his a chest!"
Her mother replies, "Honey, that's OK, he's a man, he's supposed to
have a hairy chest. Now go up back to your husband."
The nervous bride again goes back upstairs to the bedroom and closes
the door. Her husband takes off his pants.
"Oh me goodness!" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to her mother.
"MaMa, he's a gotta hair all over his a legs!"
Her mother replies, "Honey, that's OK, he's a man, he's supposed to
have hairy legs. Now go. Go to your husband."
The nervous bride again goes back upstairs to the bedroom and closes
the door behind her. As her husband takes off his socks, she notices
that half of his left foot has been cut off, Mafia style.
"Oh my goodness!" she again screams as she runs down the stairs to her
mother.
"MaMa, he's a got a foot-and-a-half!"
Her mother says, "A foot and a half? Honey, you stay here, I'm going
upstairs"

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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no- goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened"

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A girl named Martha is opening a new bar but can't think of a good name.
So she starts a contest whereby who ever can think of a good name
gets 100 free drinks.

The winner was a fellow who sugessted "Martha's Legs".

On the bar's first day of business, he arrived an hour before the
establishment opened, and sat down on the curb to wait. A
policeman noticed him and asked what he was doing on the street.

The man replied "I'm just sitting here wating for Martha's Legs to
open so I can get 100 free drinks."

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A little boy walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what's a penis?"

The dad stutters for a minute and then unzips and says, "Well, son,
this, is a penis, a perfect penis."

The boy goes out to his friends and says, "Guys, this is a penis. A
perfect one would be two inches shorter."

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