The Ghost Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper,
but
there's no shit in the bowl.

The Clean Shit-
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but
theres
no shit on the toilet paper.

The Wet Shit-
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So yo end
up
putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't
ruin
them with those dreadful skid marks.

The Wet Cheeks Shit-
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt
cheeks
get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.

The Liquid Shit-
That's the sort where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your arse,
splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time
burning
your tender anus.

The Mexican Food Shit-
In a class of it's own.

The Marketing Shit-
A turd which is special to SEP, BME and SEE in which there is so much
shit coming out that you lose 5 stone in the process.(N.B. SEP=
special
engineering programme at brunel)

The Second Wave Shit-
This shit happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up
to
your
knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

The Brain Haemorrahagethroughyournose Shit-
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and
practically have a stroke.

The Corn Shit-
No explanation necessary.

The Lincoln Log Shit-
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet
brush.

The Notorius Drinker Shit-
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking.
It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of
the
toilet bowl after you flush.

The 'Gee-I-really-wish-I-could' Shit-
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts
out,
all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

The Power Dump Shit-
The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down
and
you're done.

The Liquid Plumber Shit-
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows
all
over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln
Log
Shit.

The Spinal Tap Shit-
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got
to be
coming out sideways.

The 'I-think-I'm-giving-birth-through-my-asshole' Shit-
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and
size
of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains
in
the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Shit-
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.
You
have
two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or
(b) risk it pilling up to your butt while you sit there,
helpless.

The 'I'm-going-to-chew-my-food-better' Shit-
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of
your
rectum on the way out in the morning.

The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Shit-
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles
and
make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.

The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Shit-
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't
warn
anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and
a-gasping
for air.

The 'I-just-know-there's-a-turd-still-dangling-there' Shit-
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to
drop