A noble lord loved to organise a cricket week at his stately home. But for one important match they were missing an umpire, so the first footman was called in to do the job. While he was batting the noble lord was rapped smartly on the pad, and the bowler yelled 'Owzat?' Said the umpire-footman: "His lordship is not at home." His employer stared at him. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "I mean," said the footman, "that you're out!"